Welcome back to Taylor Talks!
Yesterday, I wrote about what’s going on with my little sister’s foster care case. We really have no idea if she’ll eventually become a permanent member of the family or if she’ll be going home to her mother. I wrote about the facts; I didn’t talk about my feelings on the matter.
The truth is, I just don’t know what I’m feeling. I think that I’m trying to keep myself from becoming attached to this little girl, because I’m afraid of getting hurt again. Part of me truly loves my newest little sister, but part of me seems to keep myself at a distance so I don’t entirely bond with her. I have realized that I never said “I love you” to my littlest sister, and I think that’s a huge part of trying not to become too attached. At the same time, I don’t treat her any differently than my other sisters; I scoop her up into hugs and cuddle with her to read a book before bed. I play with her, I discipline and put her in a time out when she’s misbehaving, all the same as I do with my other sisters. But I haven’t let myself fully bond with her.
It’s been so long since we had a long-term placement leave our family… I’m really afraid that we’re all going to be left brokenhearted in the end, my little sister included. It’s a difficult situation to be in. But I know that I will ultimately open myself up to this wonderful child, for better or for worse. We’ll just have to wait to see what happens.
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My family has been doing foster care since I was three years old. I'm the only biological child in my family, though I now have five permanent siblings. Having nineteen siblings over the course of my lifetime has been an incredible experience, and I'm hoping that by sharing some of the ups and downs of being the only bio kid in a foster family, other foster families or people looking into doing foster care will be able to learn a bit of what life can be like. I also like to share what life is like on my journey to becoming a published author, as well as where my schooling and career choice are taking me.