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Life as a Writer, Disney World Cast Member, and
Big Sister through Foster Care & Adoption
Life as a Writer, Disney World Cast Member, and
Big Sister through Foster Care & Adoption
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Welcome back to Taylor Talks! On the foster family pages that I'm part of on Facebook, I often see posts from people who are either interested in doing foster care, or are going through the process to start their journey. They want to know about other people's experiences, and about what they can expect as they become a foster family. Every once in a while, there will be a post from someone who wants to know if it is a good idea to start doing foster care if they have little ones of their own at home. Of course biological children are going to be your first priority; you need to take care of your own family before you can start taking care of other kids and expanding your family. The response to questions about how foster care will affect a biological child vary greatly from person to person.
Sometimes people will give warnings about doing foster care, saying that it can be a negative impact on biological kids. I've seen stories about bad experiences and advice on really thinking through the decision before becoming foster parents. While I understand wanting to help prospective foster parents realize some of the possible outcomes of doing foster care, I also get a little annoyed with all of the negativity. Did these people stop doing foster care? Have they been traumatized for life? I mean, yes, foster care is not just smiles and hugs. It can be very difficult on everyone, from the foster child, to the foster parents, to the biological child. But the positive experiences greatly outweigh the negative ones in the majority of cases, and if someone is looking into becoming a foster parent, you don't want to scare them off with horror stories. I feel like media only portrays the negative aspects of foster care, and the bad stories that only make up a small portion of life in a foster family. There are movies about foster parents abusing foster children in the same way they were abused before being removed from their homes. You hear the stories about people becoming foster parents just to get the money (what money?) and not caring about the children. But there are so many positive experiences that go unrecognized. For some reason, the sad stories, or the stories that make people angry, are the stories that people are drawn to. Why aren't people drawn to the stories of hope and love and people becoming a family? Clearly, foster care has had a really amazing impact on my life. Being the only biological child in a foster family has never negatively affected me. I have learned so much over the years from my experiences with all of my brothers and sisters, and I wholeheartedly believe that other kids would benefit from having foster siblings in their lives. I think that you learn so much from having children from so many different walks of life come into your home. I've lived with kids of different races, abilities, and ages, and I really feel that this has benefited me. If you're considering becoming a foster parent, and you have young kids at home, don't shy away from foster care just because you've heard of a few bad experiences. There are negative people in the world, and there are always going to be those less-than-thrilling stories. But you need to look at the bigger picture and see how amazing foster care can be. You need to look into it, see some different perspectives, and understand how many lives you can change for the better by being a foster parent. Being part of a foster family can be so rewarding if you open up your home and your heart. Thank you so much for your continued support! I look forward to sharing more stories about my experience with foster care, and hopefully hearing from readers who have questions or similar stories to share. I'm always willing to answer questions and hear about other experiences! Please don't forget to like and share my Facebook author page as well! I’d greatly appreciate it if you would share this blog with friends and family through your favorite social media sites. If you’re sharing on Twitter, don’t forget to tag me (@TayTayK02) and use the hashtag #TaylorTalks. Thanks! Taylor
8 Comments
Sharon Grant
8/28/2015 11:40:34 am
This article is very well put together, and so true, the negativity I see on another closed page makes my blood boil. We have been fostering for 12 years and have been present at the birth of the children of the older girls, surely that outweighs the bad times. I have a 9yr old boy who we have adopted, 7yr old who has ODD, ADHD & RAD, he is trying but the love & cuddles more than make up for his behaviour. I also have a 6yr old disabled child, non verbal, non mobile she is s happy go lucky little girl who lights up my life. When I look at these children, the love I feel is amazing. Fostering has its ups & downs but it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. 8/28/2015 12:59:48 pm
Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your story, Sharon. My brother has ODD, ADHD, and anxiety, so I completely understand where you're coming from on that one. Of course life is not just a bed of roses, but there are always so many more good times than there are bad times. I couldn't even imagine my life without foster care in it; having foster siblings has taught me so much over the course of my life and it has certainly been a rewarding experience. I only wish that more people would share the positive impact of foster care rather than focusing on the negativity. I appreciate you visiting my blog and sharing your thoughts! 8/28/2015 04:12:41 pm
Taylor, thank you for this perspective. I love reading about your experiences because one of my concerns has been how our foster care experiences have impacted our older children. I LOVE reading about the positive ways it has impacted you. I see how it has made you a giving and generous person. 8/29/2015 04:56:28 pm
Thanks so much for your comment Sara! That was part of my goal when starting this blog, to be able to show other foster parents how foster care impacts the bio children. Thanks for reading and I hope you'll continue to focus on the positives!
Ingrid Hayman
8/28/2015 04:44:10 pm
I loved your blog on the positives of fostering. You're right that there is more about the negatives and whilst you need to be aware of those, the positives are important too :). I'd like to share a happy story. My husband and I started fostering 18 years ago. Our first foster child had been badly physically abused by his father and his mother had gone to the government department and told them she did not want him any more. He was one of 5 children and the only one placed in foster care. From the age of 13 to 16.5 he lived with us and became part of our family. We worked through all the anger, the highs and lows and the questions why his family didn't want him. We fell in love with him, in spite all the bad times because that's what you do with your own child. He eventually moved on and grew up, settled down and had three children of his own. He is now 30 years old and he makes me proud to have been in his life. He is an amazing father to his children and his partner. He never raises a hand to any of them and loves them unconditionally. His youngest daughter has been born with a serious heart problem and he has been there for her 24/7, living at the hospital with her for months at a time and nurturing her through all her setbacks. She was never expected to live and she has just turned 2 years old with a much better prognosis than she had before. She's a fighter like her Dad. He tells me all the time that he wouldn't be where he is without my husband and I. My response to that is "We gave you the opportunity to change your life and you took it. You should congratulate yourself." I know that we have played a part in how he has turned out and I'm really proud of that but most of the credit goes to him. Since his time with us we have fostered around 30 children - some we stay in touch with and others we have lost track of. Through the good times and bad, my first foster son is always in my mind because I know that he is the benchmark for success and he reminds me that every child is worth the effort. If you're thinking of fostering, do it. It is worth it and it brings more joy than sadness. 8/29/2015 05:02:50 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Ingrid. That's so nice that you've been able to keep in touch with some of your foster children. I have been able to get in touch with my very first foster sister, but haven't been in contact with any of my other foster siblings. It's sad when you can't keep in touch, but it's great that you know how well some of your foster kids are doing. I appreciate you sharing your story with me and my readers!
Allison
8/29/2015 02:39:05 pm
Hi l have been fostering for 14 years with 4 biological children.I believe my fostering has made my children better adults.I have 2 permanent care children 10 and 8 and they have been with me for 4 years and l was their first placement.Seeing the amazing difference in my gorgeous two children and the conference they have to succeed is just beautiful.Permnent care made a big difference to them knowing that they weren't going to be taken away..I also have my 4 year ild foster son who was so traumatized when he cane to us he has been with us 18 months he had globle delay now he doesn't it is amazing to watch these children grow when they have tlc and boundaries,routine and a safe and happy environment. Something my 10 year old girl said to me a coupl of years ago sticks in my mind."Thank you mummy for giving me a bed and all the food you give me".It pulls at the heart srings.when my 8 year old boy came to us four years ago he woyld climb out of bed with his blanket and curl up on the floor because he never had a bed to sleep in before.He wo u ld wet every night wouldn't wake me he was to scared he would get in trouble. After 3 months of reassuring him its okay to wake me the night he did at 3am l was the happiest foster mum l had gained his trust.thank you for reading some of my stories.Allison 8/29/2015 05:10:05 pm
Hi Allison, thanks for your comment! I agree, it's so wonderful to see the difference in children over the time they live with you. And you're right, foster care makes the biological children realize how much they have in life, even if they don't admit it all of the time. Thanks for taking the time to share your story! Leave a Reply. |
My family has been doing foster care since I was three years old. I'm the only biological child in my family, though I now have five permanent siblings. Having nineteen siblings over the course of my lifetime has been an incredible experience, and I'm hoping that by sharing some of the ups and downs of being the only bio kid in a foster family, other foster families or people looking into doing foster care will be able to learn a bit of what life can be like. I also like to share what life is like on my journey to becoming a published author, as well as where my schooling and career choice are taking me.
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