Funeral Preparations

Welcome back to Taylor Talks!

It's still kind of crazy at my house after the news that my mom's cousin passed away. Isn't it odd how much you need to do when someone dies, even if you're not in the immediate family and needing to plan the services?

Over the past two days, even though I know it's completely normal, I have felt so weird because my mom and I have been shopping. It seems like a cruel joke; someone dies, so we go on a shopping spree. But no one is prepared for a funeral in my house, and I'm sure other family members are going through the same thing with their kids. My mom, sister, and I needed clothes appropriate for the wake and funeral. My littlest sisters needed shoes. It sounds ridiculous to say that the first thing you do after someone dies is go shopping, but no one is prepared.

I have also been feeling really weird about the whole situation. Maybe this sounds ridiculous, but it's odd the way my mind works sometimes... I almost feel guilty about being upset. I mean, I still haven't cried yet, because part of me is still in shock, and maybe I won't cry until I'm actually at the wake, but I'm still upset on the inside. But a part of me feels like I shouldn't be as upset as other people are. She wasn't my aunt, my sister, my grandmother, my cousin... she was my mom's cousin, which makes her, what, my second cousin? My first cousin? I don't know how those things work... But I feel like, I don't know, like I don't have as much of a right to be upset as her nieces or grandchildren, or even my mom and her cousins. I'm sure that sounds ridiculous, but I guess I always try to be the level-headed one in situations like this (I take after my mom that way), and I feel like I should be the shoulder to cry on, not the one crying.

I did love being out alone with my mom today though... it was nice to talk about her cousin, and hear stories about when they were younger. We talked about the family as a whole, and how it doesn't matter how long we've all been apart, because as soon as you're together again, it's like you've never been apart. Though the circumstances may be horrible, it will still be nice to see everyone this week and catch up. I'm really glad that I'm part of such a large extended family... they really are some of the greatest people I know.

How do you react when a member of your extended family dies? Are you the one people go to for comfort? Do you try to help in any way possible? Do you like to talk about happy memories, or would you prefer to stop talking about the past because it hurts too much?

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Thanks!
Taylor