Welcome back to Taylor Talks!
There was a situation going on this week with our friends who recently took in their first foster child, and although it is not my story to tell, it did spark my memory and prompt me to write about some important information that I think foster families should be aware of.
If you’re just starting out as foster parents, you might not know what exactly the relationship between you and the biological parents should be. I’ve heard all sorts of questions in the past, from if the child sees their parents, to if the foster family sees the parents. Although I can only speak from our experience, and I don’t know about other cases in other counties or states, or even just family by family cases, I thought I would just talk a little about what I have realized the relationship between foster and bio parents to be.
In almost every single case we dealt with, we never met the biological parents. In fact, out of the fourteen cases that we’ve dealt with (yeah, I’ve had 19 siblings, but five times we dealt with sibling pairs), I can only think of meeting the bio parents in three cases. One of those cases was at the very end, when we saw my brother’s bio parents at court for some reason shortly before adopting him. The other two cases were ones in which my parents decided to meet the bio parents, but I’ll get into that another day.
For the most part, the foster and biological parents do not meet. My mom has written a note to each bio parent for the first visit that their child goes on with them, and at least in the case of my most recent sister, sometimes the bio parents and my mom will exchange notes back and forth. In the majority of cases, the bio parents shouldn’t know the foster family’s last name or any personal information, like where they live or their phone number. You shouldn’t have each other on Facebook or Twitter either. Basically, you shouldn’t know anything about each other… it’s better that way, because you wouldn’t want to start arguing about anything. It’s better to keep things kind of anonymous.
Have questions about any of this? Feel free to use the comments, “Leave Your Opinion” button, or Contact page to write to me. Remember, this is just what I’ve learned from my own personal experience with foster care, but I’d be happy to answer questions about why I feel like this is best in most cases.
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My family has been doing foster care since I was three years old. I'm the only biological child in my family, though I now have five permanent siblings. Having nineteen siblings over the course of my lifetime has been an incredible experience, and I'm hoping that by sharing some of the ups and downs of being the only bio kid in a foster family, other foster families or people looking into doing foster care will be able to learn a bit of what life can be like. I also like to share what life is like on my journey to becoming a published author, as well as where my schooling and career choice are taking me.