Do you ever just feel restless and don't know what to do with yourself?
Sometimes I just wish we could win the lottery. Then I could afford to take whatever classes I'm interested in, and I wouldn't need to worry about financial aid or how I could pay for college. I'm so ready for that next step in getting my Master's Degree, and I can't believe that I'm not doing anything to work toward that goal. Part of me just wishes that we had never moved, and then I would be in school right now and still on track to become a teacher. Then the other part of me is so glad that we moved because it has given me a new perspective in life and made me really think about what I want to do in the future. I don't just want to teach in a classroom anymore; I want to explore my options with my Deaf Studies minor, and I want to look into other ways that I could work with kids without teaching them in a school building all day long.
Most days, even though I'm not working, I feel like I'm going all day long. Sometimes I'm teaching sign language classes in the mornings and then my mom and I start running errands, and other days we drop the kids off at school and just have breakfast before heading out for the day. We'll be out of the house all day long, coming home just in time to pick up the girls from school. There's no down time ever. We're just constantly going. Yet when the rare day arrives that we don't have things going on outside of the house, I feel like I should be doing something and stop being lazy. In my head, I know that I'm exhausted and that I need the down time; my mom and I both need that time to just sit, but then at the end of the night I start feeling restless and guilty about not doing anything for the day.
I'm hoping that once I get a job, I'll appreciate the lazy days more. Right now, I guess I feel like I haven't earned them, because I'm just helping out with some errands. I feel like I should be in school and getting something accomplished. Meanwhile, all of the errands I've been helping out with are things that my mom really needed completed and she was happy to have me along for some help. I think I just need to get out of school mode and realize that being productive doesn't just mean homework or a part-time job; it means getting things accomplished throughout the day, whether you're home or out running errands. I've accomplished a lot over the past few weeks, so I just need to take advantage of those rare opportunities to sit and watch a television show and appreciate the down time.
Thank you so much for your continued support! I look forward to sharing more stories about my experience with foster care, and hopefully hearing from readers who have questions or similar stories to share. I'm always willing to answer questions and hear about other experiences! Please don't forget to like and share my Facebook author page as well!
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